


Wish it was that Simple

by AceMistakes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxious Sam Winchester, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Teen Sam Winchester, Weechesters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 06:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceMistakes/pseuds/AceMistakes
Summary: Sam struggles with anxiety. He can't get the words out and they're left caught in his throat as he gives up on trying to force them out. He breaks down in front of his older brother one day and learns a little more about him.





	Wish it was that Simple

**Author's Note:**

> Of course I gotta write a vent fic where I project my problems onto my boy Sam. 
> 
> Also I got the title from the song "Anxiety" by Julia Michaels. It's actually pretty good so I recommend y'all check that out.....
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

Most people knew Sam Winchester as the “quiet kid” or the “retarded freak.” Although what they didn’t know was that sometimes he physically couldn’t bring himself to speak. That the words get stuck in his throat and no matter how badly he wants to speak, he can’t. He wasn’t stupid, or retarded, or even that quiet. With Dean, Sam was loud, sarcastic, and witty. He argued with his father often and rambled about anything and everything. However, school was a different story. 

The bullying was getting to him. It was stupid and Sam knew that his father would be disappointed that a few stupid words and phrases could make such an impact on him. He was a hunter for god’s sake. He’s dealt with way worse than some stupid high school bullies. 

_ “Come on. Speak, you retarded freak.” _

Sam barely kept himself from flinching as those words echoed in his head. It was a common phrase that was thrown at him and it was never easy to hear. Sam kept his head low and gaze trained on the ground as he walked towards the crappy motel they were currently staying in. He winced as he realized that Dean would notice his distress and try to get him to say what was wrong. 

Once Sam got into their motel room he dropped his school bag on the ground by the table. Dean wouldn’t be back for another few hours. He was currently working at a mechanic shop so that he had the money to pay for the room and food. Neither boy knowing exactly when their father would be back. Sam figured that he’d do his homework while waiting for his older brother, not knowing whether he’d be emotionally stable enough to focus on the problems. 

Sam jumped slightly as the door of the motel room swung open and his brother walked in with a groan. He was so focused on doing his homework that he didn’t realize how much time had passed. He looked over at Dean, taking note of the oil that covered his clothes and face. Dean greeted Sam before grabbing some clothes and heading into the bathroom. Sam heard the shower turn on and with a small sigh, he went back to finishing up his homework. He was completely finished by the time his brother reemerged. 

“How was school?” Dean asked. 

Sam shrugged in response. He knew that the response would tip Dean off that something was wrong but he’d rather get the interrogation over with. Dean would find out eventually and the result would be ten times worse then if he found out now. 

“Someone bothering you, Sammy?”

Sam shrugged once again. He was starting to get choked up so he knew it’d be no use to speak now. The words weren’t coming out and Sam’s chest started to ache at the desperate need to speak. Sam got up to take his own turn in the shower and avoid the conversation for as long as possible. He was stopped as Dean grabbed his bicep and forced him to face his older brother. 

“Tell me what’s going on Sammy.” Dean said softly.

Sam wanted to speak. He wanted to tell Dean everything. Wanted to rant about the unfairness of hunting and bullies and everything. Wanted to tell Dean that these words were choking him, making it hard to breathe, making his chest ache with his desperation. But he couldn’t force the words out of his throat. So instead of trying to speak, Sam turned his attention to the ground. Fingers of his right hand tapping against the side of his leg from the nervous energy that was consuming him. 

“Sammy. Come on man. Speak to me.” Dean pleaded. 

Sam shrunk into himself a little more at that. He opened his mouth to say something. _ Anything. _ But no words came. Only a low whimper managed to escape his lips as one hand reached up to tug at his hair. He was getting frustrated with this _ stupid _inability to speak. 

‘Come on. Come on. Come on. _ Goddamn it just say something.’ _

Sam was unaware that he went from tugging on his hair to hitting his temple in frustration. Trying, _ and failing, _to force himself to speak. He didn’t know that he was shaking and letting out choked sobs until Dean suddenly grabbed his wrists with a panicked shout of his name. Sam flinched back and looked up at his older brother with wide eyes. His breath was quick and tears sprang to his eyes with the concern in his brother’s green eyes. 

“Hey Sammy. It’s okay. Just….just take your time, man. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Dean reassured. 

Sam shook his head. He wanted to tell Dean _ so badly, _but he couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. He managed a strangled version of his brother’s name before breaking down into harsh sobs. He closed his eyes and weakly struggled to pull his wrists out of Dean’s grasp to wipe at his tears. He vaguely noticed Dean’s hushed reassurances and the fact that they were moving towards one of the beds in the room. He barely noticed that Dean had sat down on the bed and had arranged Sam to sit on his lap with his head tucked in the crook of his neck. Sam grasped at the front of Dean’s shirt and continued to cry as all his frustration, anxiety, and sadness came rushing to the surface. He felt as Dean wrapped one arm around his waist while the other rubbed up and down his back in some form of comfort. He distantly heard Dean’s continued reassurances but they were all muffled by his own sobs and whimpers. 

After a while Sam was finally able to calm down. He would still take stuttering breaths as exhaustion started to overcome him. Sam pulled back and winced at the sight of Dean’s tear soaked shirt. Dean stopped his rubbing and rested his hands on Sam’s waist as he took in the sight of his brother. Sam wiped away the last of his tears and glanced at Dean’s face. The concern was still present but now there was a hint of relief as Sam calmed down. Sam moved his hands back to Dean’s shirt as he started nervously fiddling with the fabric, gaze on his hands rather then continuing to hold eye contact with his brother. 

“Better now?” Dean whispered, not wanting to startle his younger brother. 

Sam nodded in response but still kept silent. He focused on keeping his breathing steady. His chest didn’t ache as much and Sam hoped that the words would be able to come this time. Exhaustion hopefully wearing down the walls that kept them stuck in his throat. While he preferred to stay silent after any emotional outburst, Sam wanted to reassure Dean that he was okay. To tell him about the ache in his chest and words that choked him at times. Wanted Dean to know so that Sam didn’t feel bad about not wanting to talk, because he knew that Dean would never force him to speak if it would end up hurting.

“S-sorry.” Sam muttered. The corner of his mouth twitched upwords at the small amount of happiness that filled him at being able to say that single word without the walls being thrown back up immediately. 

“It’s okay Sammy. You good to tell me what happened?” Dean asked softly. One hand move to rub up and down Sam’s arm. 

“Couldn’t speak. Got frustrated.” Sam responded. He didn’t want to push himself into saying too much as he felt his chest starting to slowly tighten again with those words.

“Can you explain?”

“My chest gets..” a pause as Sam took a stuttering breath, “it gets tight. The...the words get stuck a-and I can’t get them out.”

Dean hummed in response as he thought over Sam’s words. Sam hoped that Dean understood. He was starting to get choked up again and didn’t want to be thrown back into tears.

“I get it. You want to speak but you’re afraid to, right? Well, afraid isn’t really the right word. But it’s like the words are choking you and you can’t get them out?” Dean asked after a moment.

Sam looked up at his brother in shock. Confusion swirled in his hazel eyes as he wondered at how Dean could possibly understand _ exactly _how it felt. Dean noticed his shock and confused and gave Sam a sad smile.

“I understand how that feels Sammy. After…” Dean took a breath and his smile faded, “after mom died. Well...I stopped talking. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Dad wasn’t really happy with me but he didn’t push. Not really.”

“What happened then?”

“Well, of course I couldn’t let my baby brother be deprived of hearing my awesome voice.” Dean responded with a smirk and pinched Sam’s nose, moving his brother’s head back and forth slightly. 

Sam made a small noise of protest and batted Dean’s hand away, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face at his brother’s antics. Dean laughed at Sam’s reaction before glancing over at the clock that was on the nightstand between the beds. It was nearing 7 and both boys still hadn’t eaten yet. 

Dean patted the side of Sam’s leg. “Come on Sammy. Let’s go eat something. I’m starved.” he said, grin still present.

Sam nodded and got off his brother’s lap. He grabbed his jacket off the motel table and watched as his brother quickly changed his shirt. Dean grabbed his own jacket and threw an arm around Sam’s shoulder as he lead him outside towards the car parked in the lot in front of the motel. Sam smiled as Dean rambled on about the food he was looking forward to eating. 

_ Everything was going to be just fine. _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated! 
> 
> Tumblr: @acemistakes  
Insta: @royallyacemistakes


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